If It's Not on Facebook, It's Not Real

A couple of weeks ago I came across a news story that really disturbed me. It described a man in Texas that allegedly beat his wife… because she didn’t “like” his status on Facebook. My first response was “You’ve got to be kidding me,” but the story did evoke memories of acquaintances that have become heated (though not to the point of actual violence) over Facebook drama.

You know the kind: “Why didn’t you accept my friend request? Why didn’t you comment me back? Why is your relationship status still single?!”

These seemingly innocuous questions can quickly escalate into an all out battle—as demonstrated by the man in Texas—and begs the eternal question we should be asking instead: “Why do we take Facebook so seriously?”

Facebook is completely addicting; take it from the over 800 million people that claim themselves as devoted users. So what is it that drives the masses? David Gibson, a Sociology professor at the University of Pennsylvania thinks that generally, it’s a curiosity we have of other people along with a desire for social contact (not to mention the ability to virtually stalk other peoples’ lives from the comfort of your own bedroom.)

With the two basic drives of curiosity and desire for social contact comes self-disclosure, or self-expression, and it’s here that we begin to take ourselves and opinions of others so seriously. We like to see ourselves through the eyes of others, and we

get used to posting status updates and notes with the understanding that somebody out there is going to read them and contemplate.

We begin to get in the cognitive habit of “thinking and experiencing on behalf of an audience,” and if that audience is negatively receptive, or not receptive at all, we start taking it personally. Though nothing can logically explain it, this phenomenon begins to explain the emotions behind physical abuse for not “liking” a status.

What is the case, then, when it comes to the gravity of relationship statuses? If Facebook is the factor used to gauge the strength of you and your significant other’s bond, perhaps you should rethink your relationship in the first place. Anyone that truly matters in your life already knows you’re in a relationship, so who are you trying to impress?

I know some of you are worried there are hoards of hopeful devotees preying on your sweetheart’s Facebook, checking to see whether or not he/she is single, but the sort of people that spend their time doing that probably don’t care if Facebook says your darling is in a relationship or not. And if you think Facebook’s relationship status is some magical shield preventing your honeybun from cheating, you should, again, probably rethink your relationship.

What it really comes down to in this case is jealousy, and obsessing over your partner’s relationship status only makes it worse. A study published in Cyberpsychology and Behavior found that Facebook basically creates a vicious circle of jealousy: a person is exposed to “potentially jealousy-provoking information about their partner” through Facebook, which leads to “increased surveillance” (a.k.a. Facebook stalking) of their partner’s page, which leads to the discovery of even more jealousy-provoking information. So, guys and gals, moral here is to not stress over and overanalyze your significant other’s relationship status. If it says single and it bothers you, just ask them to change it. If they won’t, maybe it’s good that you find out why early on.

When it comes to friendship on Facebook, the line between real and virtual life gets blurred for many people. Just because someone rejects your friendship on Facebook does not mean they are rejecting you in real life. Just because someone deletes you on Facebook does not mean they are literally omitting you from their life. Just because someone does not poke you back on Facebook does not mean they don’t…you see the pattern.

Facebook is like the real world, but with perks, since you don’t have to leave your own house, and you can un-tag yourself if you have a bad hair day. It is, as Justin Timberlake’s character in “The Social Network” said, “the digitalization of real life.” Make note that he said “digitalization,” not “realization.”