[ Sexual Healing ] Hungry Sex

In and out. Sweating skin. Scratching and biting. Deeper and harder and faster and...Potato salad?
During passionate intercourse, my mind sometimes wanders. In the heat of the moment it’s natural for me to feel the heat of my hunger. Just as with any other vigorous form of exercise, I sometimes fantasize about the caloric reward that’ll soon penetrate into my mouth. Creamy alfredo sauce dripping from meat balls, fresh hairless peaches moist with the anticipation of being eaten raw...

Innuendos aside, I truly identify with the romantic aspect of copulation. I don’t fuck; I make love. Still, it’s natural for a spark of hunger to send my thoughts astray into a buffet of ceasar salad, marinated chicken, and orgasmic garlic bread. When I’m “phallically inclined”, my mind is 99% involved in the love-making...it’s just that lingering 1 percent that spreads open to allow a cannibalistic urge to erect my hunger.

Some individuals smoke cigarettes after intercourse to tranquilize their mind and body. The chemicals aid to boost dopamine which leaves the person calm and content in their post-coital state. This is a sensation we all surely crave, yet fortunately I detest tobacco. Instead, I celebrate with flavorful couscous and zesty pasta. Some of you may be thinking, “Why doesn’t he just combine both acts and experiment with food-play?” My response: No, that’s sticky and disgusting.

Coitus can be transcendental. The pulsing pleasure of lustful loins moving in euphoric harmony, pheromones radiating from flesh of the goddess, Heroin, who grasps sheets in a zealous attempt to ascend the ecstasy….

But why conclude such a mesmerizing act with nothing more than small talk, cuddles, and nicotine? Prepare food so that it’s nearly ready to be eaten after the 60 seconds to 60 minutes of sex. Satisfied and exhausted, you’ll be glad you did. And tonight, Monterey shall feast.

—Justin Ebrahemi

Oh thank God I wore my cute lace panties tonight…There was something urgent my roommate wanted to…shit! I have a roommate!… I don’t even want to know what my thunder thighs must look like in this lighting…Wait. Is there a new Gossip Girl on tonight?! Haha you have a completely ridiculous O face!…What the…HELLO!

Yes, as much as we ladies try to stay focused during sex, the truth is, it’s not you…it’s us (well no, sometimes it really is you). We are victims of our own biological makeup. Studies have shown that while the male brain is highly specialized, allowing for a more narrow focus on specific tasks for longer periods of time, the female brain is much more diffused. In laymen’s terms, we are far better equipped, and therefore, much more likely to divide our attention between multiple activities at any given time.

Before you, our partners, get too hard on yourselves (no pun intended), that is not to say that your performance is necessarily sub-par, or undeserving of our full attention. There are simply more pressing matters, such as the fact that I feel slightly uncomfortable with your dog watching us knock boots.

However, feel free to try to distract me from my female trivialities anytime with a nibble on the earlobe or a bite on the neck. Be generous with the tongue.

According to Helen Fisher, author of The First Sex, it all goes back to the age-old “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” theory. Female sexuality is simply “nested in a broader lattice of emotions, a wider range of physical sensations, and a more extensive social and environmental context” as opposed to that of males, which tends to focus more on the act of copulation, itself.

So you see? I can’t help my random fixation on the fresh lipstick stains on my new linens, just as you can’t help your carnal desire to ejaculate all over said linens.

There I go again, being all female.

—Jessica Radogna